"Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not recieve the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."
-Jesus
When you go through a world such as this one, the perversion and confusion of it all changes the way you see things. Your eyes begin to take on a new lens. It doesn't matter what your life has looked like, where you've been, or who've known. Some people have seen more than others, but we have all seen enough.
When I thought briefly about what I have seen in my 21 short years, it broke me.
I have seen injustice as thick as a blanket large enough to cover a nation and silence those who cry for mercy. I have seen the hunger of orphans swallowed up by the greed of rich bureaucracy. I have seen prisons full of mothers who left behind children that had no choice but to grow up in their absence. I have seen dreams put to death in favor of efficiency, and desire sacrificed on the altar of best interest. I watched the stories of lust replacing love, and pity being substituted for compassion.
This is no Eden.
All of these horrors and numerous others find their way in front of my face and slowly into my heart. They assault me night and day until I want to shut my eyes to the world completely and give way to the cynicism waiting to consume me.
Yet how could I listen the voice of a loving Father if I let the things that I have seen teach me about trust?
Bitterness does not remind me of the stories He told of abundant life, though it is an easier course and a wider road. I could certainly swallow the poison of hopelessnesss and lay aside the difficulties of faith and expectation. It would nothing more than a natural response to the state of the world.
Or.....there is another option.
I could get new eyes. Eyes of innocence.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
the circle of One who never ends
I must dream.
It is the call of being alive. To live a life without desire is nothing more than mundane, and I refuse to walk through this world as though I am merely another animal.
I must dream, and these fantasies must be bold and beautiful.
And so, I find myself at His feet again. The only thing worth dreaming about is love. It alone is wild enough, vast enough, and rich enough. He is love. No one else is love. Only Him.
So what else can I dream about? What else can I long for?
He starts all my dreams, and they all end up with nothing else left.
I must speak.
I cannot ignore this burning in my heart and soul. This fire would consume me if left alone, so I must find a way to pour it out. But how? What should be done with passion as intense as white-hot flames? The answer must be in the source.
So I look to the maker of my soul, and I see that I burn for the joy of His salvation and the longing of His face.
What else could I do with these flames but pour them out at His feet in worship, and then use them as a testimony to spark the same in others? Fire that is born of the Lord will not be quenched in any other way but in His presence, and even there, it will not go out, but only grow.
Dreams and flames and all such things are the same. They come from Him, are satisfied by Him, and then in His glory they are sparked anew. Our lives are eternity already. And the best part is that we have forever to discover them and waste them at His feet.
It is the call of being alive. To live a life without desire is nothing more than mundane, and I refuse to walk through this world as though I am merely another animal.
I must dream, and these fantasies must be bold and beautiful.
And so, I find myself at His feet again. The only thing worth dreaming about is love. It alone is wild enough, vast enough, and rich enough. He is love. No one else is love. Only Him.
So what else can I dream about? What else can I long for?
He starts all my dreams, and they all end up with nothing else left.
I must speak.
I cannot ignore this burning in my heart and soul. This fire would consume me if left alone, so I must find a way to pour it out. But how? What should be done with passion as intense as white-hot flames? The answer must be in the source.
So I look to the maker of my soul, and I see that I burn for the joy of His salvation and the longing of His face.
What else could I do with these flames but pour them out at His feet in worship, and then use them as a testimony to spark the same in others? Fire that is born of the Lord will not be quenched in any other way but in His presence, and even there, it will not go out, but only grow.
Dreams and flames and all such things are the same. They come from Him, are satisfied by Him, and then in His glory they are sparked anew. Our lives are eternity already. And the best part is that we have forever to discover them and waste them at His feet.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
i repent
I spoke of things I knew not of.
I professed that the highest calling of this life was simply to love the One we were made for. Amen.
But the truth is I have not known what it is to love Him.
To love the LORD is in part:
to love His judgments
desire His ways
fear His name
cherish humility
I thought that I knew much about my King and His kingdom. I was, and I am wrong. I know little and almost nothing. Yet ignorance is not an excuse. He has made Himself known. In the word and in the Word made flesh, He is known in part. And in my ignorance, there are parts of Him that I have refused to see, and parts of myself that I have likewise been blind to. If the eyes of my heart have been opened now, even though I see as through a slit, the things I see in myself terrify me. This is not patronizing nor self-deprecating. It is truth. I have been, and I am prideful, arrogant, jealous, and whatever is the complete opposite of loving. When I catch a glimpse of the sinful nature of my flesh and how often I choose to live out of it, I want to run and hide forever in my shame. The only thing that prevents me is love. Perfect love casts out fear. The terror of sin is nothing in comparison with the great power of the Father's love. Nothing.
It is this love that has enabled me, even to the smallest degree, to look at the weight and depth of my sin. It could only be love to allow someone to see their need for grace. And how great that Love would be if it removed the shame and punishment of sin, and yet let us see the weight of it in order that we would mourn our carnal condition and turn to the Savior of our soul in order to be renewed day by day. Love and sin are not competing.
Where sin abounds, grace (and love) abound all the more.
The continuation of what I have ignored in the past but now greatly desire to see, is that there is more to His love than the end of sin.
His love is justice. Righteousness. Authority. Glory. Weight.
His love is entangled in His complete and right judgements of my heart. I cannot know Him without knowing Him as the perfect Judge. The terror of sin is gone; no fear of evil and no fear of man. Now, I am longing and hopefully learning to replace them with the fear of His Name. How foolish would I be if I looked into the face of the LORD of hosts without trembling? Our God is a consuming fire, and the fear of Him is the beginning of Wisdom. I see now that fear is to be greatly desired. I pray for Him to teach me, and I humble myself before Him that I might begin to learn things as they are. I know very little and almost nothing. All I can do is repent. Repent of my pride, humble myself, and set my heart towards His face. The Holy Spirit, the Counselor, wants to teach me all things. I pray that I will have eyes to see and ears to hear.
I professed that the highest calling of this life was simply to love the One we were made for. Amen.
But the truth is I have not known what it is to love Him.
To love the LORD is in part:
to love His judgments
desire His ways
fear His name
cherish humility
I thought that I knew much about my King and His kingdom. I was, and I am wrong. I know little and almost nothing. Yet ignorance is not an excuse. He has made Himself known. In the word and in the Word made flesh, He is known in part. And in my ignorance, there are parts of Him that I have refused to see, and parts of myself that I have likewise been blind to. If the eyes of my heart have been opened now, even though I see as through a slit, the things I see in myself terrify me. This is not patronizing nor self-deprecating. It is truth. I have been, and I am prideful, arrogant, jealous, and whatever is the complete opposite of loving. When I catch a glimpse of the sinful nature of my flesh and how often I choose to live out of it, I want to run and hide forever in my shame. The only thing that prevents me is love. Perfect love casts out fear. The terror of sin is nothing in comparison with the great power of the Father's love. Nothing.
It is this love that has enabled me, even to the smallest degree, to look at the weight and depth of my sin. It could only be love to allow someone to see their need for grace. And how great that Love would be if it removed the shame and punishment of sin, and yet let us see the weight of it in order that we would mourn our carnal condition and turn to the Savior of our soul in order to be renewed day by day. Love and sin are not competing.
Where sin abounds, grace (and love) abound all the more.
The continuation of what I have ignored in the past but now greatly desire to see, is that there is more to His love than the end of sin.
His love is justice. Righteousness. Authority. Glory. Weight.
His love is entangled in His complete and right judgements of my heart. I cannot know Him without knowing Him as the perfect Judge. The terror of sin is gone; no fear of evil and no fear of man. Now, I am longing and hopefully learning to replace them with the fear of His Name. How foolish would I be if I looked into the face of the LORD of hosts without trembling? Our God is a consuming fire, and the fear of Him is the beginning of Wisdom. I see now that fear is to be greatly desired. I pray for Him to teach me, and I humble myself before Him that I might begin to learn things as they are. I know very little and almost nothing. All I can do is repent. Repent of my pride, humble myself, and set my heart towards His face. The Holy Spirit, the Counselor, wants to teach me all things. I pray that I will have eyes to see and ears to hear.
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