Hope grows between cracks in the asphault
In the downtown ghetto streets that contour
The government housing intentions of my heart
No one notices the daisies don't care
About gang related violence
As long as they get enough air and water and sun
They're all just fine
Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here somewhere between
The Saturday cartooons and the dirty magazines
He's raising the dead in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dreams
His name is Hope
Hope stands high on the 15th floor
On a Christmas tree perched about the ledge of a fortress
A steel that's trying to hard to be somebody's home
As it sees my attention from I-85 though the throws of the day
Were still writhing inside
I lifted my head as I drove home that night and knew
Everything was gonna be fine
Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he's raising the dead in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dreams
His name is Hope
Can you hear him outside he's been singing all night
He's saying when you gonna come out from behind
These paper thin walls, your cardboard box realities
Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he's raising the dreams in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dead
His name is Hope
John Mark McMillan
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
nothing but pursuing grace
I am selfish. I am learning more and more that i am really selfish. A selfish, prideful, error-filled sinner. Everyday and every hour, i mess up. I mess up and i'm beginning to see this more and more, and it often fills me with sadness and frustration, just to know that i will never get it completely right. I will always be filled with error, and yet, somehow, i am still considered holy in the eyes of God through Christ's blood. Holy, righteous, clean??? It confuses me so much to hear these words in reference to my heart. Can it be true? Can life be new? Could it be all that I am is only in You? Can grace really be all-sufficient for even me? Can forgiveness really cleanse that deep?
The Lord has said, "come let us reason together, though your sins were as scarlet, they will be white as snow..." But I honestly have just had a really hard time believing that. Especially this semester, I have understood with my mind, and yet not with my heart. Grace makes sense is theory, but not in the reality of the depth of my sin. When it comes down to the barest facts, my sin is too much, and God's grace is too weak. This is what I have believed. Wrongly, yet i have believed it.
But Christ refutes this. He says no. He has defeated death in order that He might face the powers of hell and sin and shout them down and proclaim that they no longer have any power over me simply because I am His child and He has bought my FREEDOM! This is the beautiful, simple, wonderful love of the the Saviour. Uncomplicated, unmerited, unretreating, this grace is too good to be real, and yet....
The Lord recently taught me a lesson about this grace when I was in a state of doubt. I wanted to believe that God could cleanse and forgive, but i spent too long telling myself that my sin was beyond redemption. So while i was in Daytona Beach on my spring break trip, the Lord slowly but surely began working on my heart. The last meeting of Daytona, the message was about God's grace. I heard it, I heard the grace and forgiveness being preached, I heard it and I wanted to believe it, but my sin was shouting so loudly in my ear. I couldn't shut it out. I couldn't believe that it could be forgiven, much less forgotten. I ended up sitting on a balcony, praying to the Lord, crying out and asking if His grace could really be enough for me. He answered me in a way that only He would design. A couple rooms over, there were some drunk students hanging out on there balcony, watching the end of the crusade meeting that was still taking place below us. They were mocking, in their drunken state they basically cursed God and laughed at anyone who would dare to believe in something so silly as his love. As I sat and heard their jokes, a voice echoed in my head,
"What's the difference between you and them?"
"What do you possibly mean?" I asked, not understanding.
"What's the difference?"
I quickly went through a list in my head: Christian upbringing (no, that could not be it, I has no idea how they had been raised), Sin (NO, Christ has made me so aware of my sin, I could not deny that it the presence of a holy God, I was just as guilty as they), Being a better person (no, that's just ridiculous).
"What's the difference?"
Only one thing,
"Oh Christ, I want you. I want you, all of you. I am in love with you my Saviour. Nothing makes me worthy, but Lord, I want you."
Then I am yours, my child. I require nothing else, simply that you desire me in your life. If you want me, then I am yours.
That's the beauty of simple grace. Freely given, it payed for freedom too costly for us to attain on our own. Release from guilt, shame, and sin, This grace is too good to be real, and yet...and yet...not bound by our understanding, grace still abounds.
The Lord has said, "come let us reason together, though your sins were as scarlet, they will be white as snow..." But I honestly have just had a really hard time believing that. Especially this semester, I have understood with my mind, and yet not with my heart. Grace makes sense is theory, but not in the reality of the depth of my sin. When it comes down to the barest facts, my sin is too much, and God's grace is too weak. This is what I have believed. Wrongly, yet i have believed it.
But Christ refutes this. He says no. He has defeated death in order that He might face the powers of hell and sin and shout them down and proclaim that they no longer have any power over me simply because I am His child and He has bought my FREEDOM! This is the beautiful, simple, wonderful love of the the Saviour. Uncomplicated, unmerited, unretreating, this grace is too good to be real, and yet....
The Lord recently taught me a lesson about this grace when I was in a state of doubt. I wanted to believe that God could cleanse and forgive, but i spent too long telling myself that my sin was beyond redemption. So while i was in Daytona Beach on my spring break trip, the Lord slowly but surely began working on my heart. The last meeting of Daytona, the message was about God's grace. I heard it, I heard the grace and forgiveness being preached, I heard it and I wanted to believe it, but my sin was shouting so loudly in my ear. I couldn't shut it out. I couldn't believe that it could be forgiven, much less forgotten. I ended up sitting on a balcony, praying to the Lord, crying out and asking if His grace could really be enough for me. He answered me in a way that only He would design. A couple rooms over, there were some drunk students hanging out on there balcony, watching the end of the crusade meeting that was still taking place below us. They were mocking, in their drunken state they basically cursed God and laughed at anyone who would dare to believe in something so silly as his love. As I sat and heard their jokes, a voice echoed in my head,
"What's the difference between you and them?"
"What do you possibly mean?" I asked, not understanding.
"What's the difference?"
I quickly went through a list in my head: Christian upbringing (no, that could not be it, I has no idea how they had been raised), Sin (NO, Christ has made me so aware of my sin, I could not deny that it the presence of a holy God, I was just as guilty as they), Being a better person (no, that's just ridiculous).
"What's the difference?"
Only one thing,
"Oh Christ, I want you. I want you, all of you. I am in love with you my Saviour. Nothing makes me worthy, but Lord, I want you."
Then I am yours, my child. I require nothing else, simply that you desire me in your life. If you want me, then I am yours.
That's the beauty of simple grace. Freely given, it payed for freedom too costly for us to attain on our own. Release from guilt, shame, and sin, This grace is too good to be real, and yet...and yet...not bound by our understanding, grace still abounds.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Label me a liberal.....if you must.
"You're so Liberal!!!"
"You would! You're such a democrat!"
"Wait, you're not a republican? Don't vote."
Wow... I am so tired of politics. Tired of all of it, because it's all so annoying! Ok, seriously, there is never going to be a perfect person running for president. There is never going to be someone who you completely agree with. Furthermore, just because someone is a baptist pastor doesn't mean that they are going to be a good president. They might just have bad tax policies, or a education plan that you don't agree with, or a immigration policy that's a little too harsh. You don't have to like someone or agree with just because they're a Christian and you are too. Sometimes you have to actually examine the issues and platforms on which candidates are running and see what you agree with, what you don't, and why. Sometimes, you might actually need to look at BOTH democratic and republican candidates and not just automatically vote one way. Sometimes, you would be surprised what you would find if you examined the issues at hand, and how they impact the people of this country, liberals or conservatists, rich or poor, educated or not, Christians or not, women or men, gay or straight, employee or employer; the president affects everyone.
So here we go, and if this makes me a liberal than i accept the label, go ahead and judge me. These are my convictions and whether or not you agree, i will speak up for what i believe. Abortion is not the only political issue to be considered. I think that abortion is WRONG. I think that someone should stand up for the lives of children who don't yet have a voice. We need to fight for life. Life in all forms. Abortion is not the only issue where life is at stake. There are more. Capital punishment, are some people worth life and some people not? Should we protect life in all forms or only the lives that we appreciate? We claim that and eye for an eye is justice, but didn't Christ have something to say about that? We want the New Testament grace and mercy in our lives but we control others under the Old Testament law. In the name of justice? How just can it be when I deserve to die just as much as the prisoner sitting on death row? "This might not work and I don't guarantee that it will, but I've got no choice till you tell me who Jesus would kill. An I for I will never satisfy till there's nothing left to see."
Free trade. People and children are dying in factories corporations all around the world. Dying from the horrible work conditions that they are always under, dying from trying to make us some cheaper sneakers. Really though? Really? Dying from not having enough money for food because they don't get paid enough. Justice? Yes free trade does help us buy cheaper sneakers. That's exciting. Yay. While people die because there is no equal exchange for their labor, while they die because free trade doesn't have labor standards for children working in nike factories in Indonesia, while local farmers in central and south America can no longer put food on the table to feed their hungry children because large companies put them out of business, Should someone fight for these lives? Oh, do they just not matter because they are not in America? Oh, okay, so we should fight for life, but not the criminals lives and not the foreigners lives, not the lives that people that are worse sinners than we are, and not the lives of people who don't look like us.
Pro-life??? Or pro one type of life?
"Politics or love
can make you blind or make you see
can make you a slave or make you free
but only one does it all....
Are we defending life
when we just pick and choose
lives acceptable to lose
and which ones to defend.....
love is not against the law
love is not against the law"
"You would! You're such a democrat!"
"Wait, you're not a republican? Don't vote."
Wow... I am so tired of politics. Tired of all of it, because it's all so annoying! Ok, seriously, there is never going to be a perfect person running for president. There is never going to be someone who you completely agree with. Furthermore, just because someone is a baptist pastor doesn't mean that they are going to be a good president. They might just have bad tax policies, or a education plan that you don't agree with, or a immigration policy that's a little too harsh. You don't have to like someone or agree with just because they're a Christian and you are too. Sometimes you have to actually examine the issues and platforms on which candidates are running and see what you agree with, what you don't, and why. Sometimes, you might actually need to look at BOTH democratic and republican candidates and not just automatically vote one way. Sometimes, you would be surprised what you would find if you examined the issues at hand, and how they impact the people of this country, liberals or conservatists, rich or poor, educated or not, Christians or not, women or men, gay or straight, employee or employer; the president affects everyone.
So here we go, and if this makes me a liberal than i accept the label, go ahead and judge me. These are my convictions and whether or not you agree, i will speak up for what i believe. Abortion is not the only political issue to be considered. I think that abortion is WRONG. I think that someone should stand up for the lives of children who don't yet have a voice. We need to fight for life. Life in all forms. Abortion is not the only issue where life is at stake. There are more. Capital punishment, are some people worth life and some people not? Should we protect life in all forms or only the lives that we appreciate? We claim that and eye for an eye is justice, but didn't Christ have something to say about that? We want the New Testament grace and mercy in our lives but we control others under the Old Testament law. In the name of justice? How just can it be when I deserve to die just as much as the prisoner sitting on death row? "This might not work and I don't guarantee that it will, but I've got no choice till you tell me who Jesus would kill. An I for I will never satisfy till there's nothing left to see."
Free trade. People and children are dying in factories corporations all around the world. Dying from the horrible work conditions that they are always under, dying from trying to make us some cheaper sneakers. Really though? Really? Dying from not having enough money for food because they don't get paid enough. Justice? Yes free trade does help us buy cheaper sneakers. That's exciting. Yay. While people die because there is no equal exchange for their labor, while they die because free trade doesn't have labor standards for children working in nike factories in Indonesia, while local farmers in central and south America can no longer put food on the table to feed their hungry children because large companies put them out of business, Should someone fight for these lives? Oh, do they just not matter because they are not in America? Oh, okay, so we should fight for life, but not the criminals lives and not the foreigners lives, not the lives that people that are worse sinners than we are, and not the lives of people who don't look like us.
Pro-life??? Or pro one type of life?
"Politics or love
can make you blind or make you see
can make you a slave or make you free
but only one does it all....
Are we defending life
when we just pick and choose
lives acceptable to lose
and which ones to defend.....
love is not against the law
love is not against the law"
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
When I think about the way....
I am tired, tired of failing. Tired of not being good enough. Tired of not being accepted. Tired of feeling like I should be smarter, or stronger, or more Christian, or cleaner, or whatever the crap else. I have no energy to try to please anyone else anymore, no freaking strength left.
I am the way that I am. I am a sinner, and i know that. I need to grow in the Lord and mature, i need to grow in love and grace, and i need to cease sinning. I need the Lord to continually renew my heart. I know. I will ALWAYS need more Christ in my life. More love, more grace.
Here's the deal though, other than my sin, I am the way that I am.
Like it or not, this is me. Anna Rebekah and I can't be no one else.
My mind is screwed up for real. I want my brain to work normally, but it doesn't. So forget this. I don't give a crap anymore.
Trying to please my roomates. Trying to please my parents. Trying to please my friends.
Trying to please my boss, my co-workers, my professors, my classmates......
Trying to please MYSELF.....
No more. Can't do it. I'm done with this. Forget this crap. No more.
"We are His portion and He is our prize,
drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that.....
That He love us,
whoa how He loves us,
whoa how He loves us,
Whoa how He loves."
CHRIST LOVES ME
OH, praise the Lord.
I am the way that I am. I am a sinner, and i know that. I need to grow in the Lord and mature, i need to grow in love and grace, and i need to cease sinning. I need the Lord to continually renew my heart. I know. I will ALWAYS need more Christ in my life. More love, more grace.
Here's the deal though, other than my sin, I am the way that I am.
Like it or not, this is me. Anna Rebekah and I can't be no one else.
My mind is screwed up for real. I want my brain to work normally, but it doesn't. So forget this. I don't give a crap anymore.
Trying to please my roomates. Trying to please my parents. Trying to please my friends.
Trying to please my boss, my co-workers, my professors, my classmates......
Trying to please MYSELF.....
No more. Can't do it. I'm done with this. Forget this crap. No more.
"We are His portion and He is our prize,
drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that.....
That He love us,
whoa how He loves us,
whoa how He loves us,
Whoa how He loves."
CHRIST LOVES ME
OH, praise the Lord.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)