Today of all days, I am so aware of my heart's longing to be with the LORD in full. I hate that it's Valentines day. I am completely not a fan of silly cliche stupid things that are made up to make people feel a certain way, and I don't feel that my emotions are influenced by the date, and yet, today of all days, I find myself desperately longing for my lover. I want no one else because no one else is like Him. No one else satisfies, no one else is quite so beautiful, so holy, or so perfect in their love for me. Jesus is my Beloved, today and forever. He has come for me, died for me, lives to intercede for me, and will come again as the conquering King. I know that He is mine, but oh how I want to be with Him today. How I am so aching to be at His feet.
My mind knows that He does not tarry for Himself, but that He is patient in His grace, wanting more to come to know Him. My mind understands, and yet, when I try and tell my heart, it does not comprehend. There are times when I am at peace on the earth, knowing the purpose for which i am here, but today is not one of those times. Today, my heart doesn't know why her Lover is waiting to come for her. It is scary to admit the depths of my selfishness, but today, my heart doesn't care about those who would perish if the King returned today. She knows only the name of the Lover and a greater desire to see His face than ever before. Today, I, a daughter, am jealous of the angels. They are always in His presence, before His very throne! Earth is ridiculous..... I feel as if I will explode if I am here for even another moment. I was made for heaven, and i know that heaven is invading earth and that I can live in the Lord's presence even while here, but today it does not seem to be enough.
Oh how I want You!!! LORD! Is this how you long for us? How do you remain alive in your aching? How can you contain yourself when you see your children turn away? How you must break everyday. Your heart is surely not mine; how You can pour out love, even while You ache for us is more than I can know. You are love, God. Your heart is unfathomable. Teach me to be steadfast in patient love for You, even as you are longing to come to me.
"I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me."
~Song of Solomen 7:10
"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to testify to you these things for the churches. I am the root and descendant of David, the bright morning star. The Spirit and the bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost.
He who testifies to these things says, 'I am coming quickly.' Amen. Come Lord Jesus."
Revelation 22: 16-17 & 20
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
there is nothing else
Why yes, i do have an 8:00am class and a test at 12:00, but since i can't think about anything but the LORD anyways.... i might as well put my thoughts out there.
The LORD was teaching me about compassion tonight. In crazy ways. I thought I was just going to FCA like every other thursday just to fellowship and experience the Lord and learn and worship, which all happened tonight but not in the way i expected. Instead of sitting in Tillman auditorium hearing a message about being the church, I was lying in a hallway physically aching for the presence of God to fall on the eight hundred people just a room away. I have never been so hungry. The Lord just told me that it was time: time for His people to have what they want from Him, time for the lost to be found, time for His love to become a tangible thing in our lives, time for revival, time for freedom, time for no more death, time for only life.
It's time.
So let's get it. After the LORD everyday, resting in His heart, receiving His love and grace, and ministering everything poured out on us. It's not about striving, it's not about recognition, it's not about duty. In fact, it's not even about us at all. Praise the LORD. It's about Him. It's about what has already been done. It's about the things of heaven that He wants to pour out on a thirsty world. It's about the cross that has already provided everything we will ever need. It's about His hunger for his lost sheep to come home. It's about His Name that deserves to be exalted more and more everyday. This is the Kingdom. There is nothing else.
and also...
Compassion is not some far off spiritual idea that we can't understand, and it's not some warm fuzzy thing that makes us feel good when we serve someone. Compassion is nothing more or less than us laying back in the arms of God, lost in His presence and resting in His intimacy. When we become so close to Him that our hearts beat for what His heart beats, we will know compassion.
And compassion like that will ruin us forever.
Ruined in the best way, but unashamedly not the same. Ruined for the pleasures of this world, ruined for the ease of staying in a church and not seeking out the lost, ruined for approval of mere men, ruined for the comfort of saying no to God's seemingly insane promptings, ruined for anything but Him.
I just want to wake up everyday and lay aside my long-engrained dreams of normalcy to pursue my heart's desire of worshipping the One who is worthy.
there is nothing else.
The LORD was teaching me about compassion tonight. In crazy ways. I thought I was just going to FCA like every other thursday just to fellowship and experience the Lord and learn and worship, which all happened tonight but not in the way i expected. Instead of sitting in Tillman auditorium hearing a message about being the church, I was lying in a hallway physically aching for the presence of God to fall on the eight hundred people just a room away. I have never been so hungry. The Lord just told me that it was time: time for His people to have what they want from Him, time for the lost to be found, time for His love to become a tangible thing in our lives, time for revival, time for freedom, time for no more death, time for only life.
It's time.
So let's get it. After the LORD everyday, resting in His heart, receiving His love and grace, and ministering everything poured out on us. It's not about striving, it's not about recognition, it's not about duty. In fact, it's not even about us at all. Praise the LORD. It's about Him. It's about what has already been done. It's about the things of heaven that He wants to pour out on a thirsty world. It's about the cross that has already provided everything we will ever need. It's about His hunger for his lost sheep to come home. It's about His Name that deserves to be exalted more and more everyday. This is the Kingdom. There is nothing else.
and also...
Compassion is not some far off spiritual idea that we can't understand, and it's not some warm fuzzy thing that makes us feel good when we serve someone. Compassion is nothing more or less than us laying back in the arms of God, lost in His presence and resting in His intimacy. When we become so close to Him that our hearts beat for what His heart beats, we will know compassion.
And compassion like that will ruin us forever.
Ruined in the best way, but unashamedly not the same. Ruined for the pleasures of this world, ruined for the ease of staying in a church and not seeking out the lost, ruined for approval of mere men, ruined for the comfort of saying no to God's seemingly insane promptings, ruined for anything but Him.
I just want to wake up everyday and lay aside my long-engrained dreams of normalcy to pursue my heart's desire of worshipping the One who is worthy.
there is nothing else.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
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