seventy three, twenty eight.

"Everything in me lined up with one reality, He was near me. He was close. His presence was altogether shocking, and all at once familiar. It was completely at home, and more distant than the farthest stars. Wilder than the most unsearched mountains, safer than the garden you have grown up next to, a burning fire that knows no hesitation, and a crashing wave that plummets you to the depths of the sea. I knew I was completely saved, yet I was sure I was utterly lost. How can one possibly recover from such a touch? How can there be any return? All faith is answered. All hope is gone. At the end of my understanding, He kept bringing me into His presence. His voice shook my dreams and questions, and it answered all my longings."

thoughts, sights, and experiences

The Trial of Accusations:

I saw a platform type area, all covered in black fabric. As I kept looking, I could see that the platform went all the way around a small room and formed a sort of circular amphitheatre. It was full of seats, and each seat had a microphone at it and like a placemat in front of it. The seats were mostly full. As I saw this, I knew the seats were full of singers and that this was a court and the singers were trying or judging someone or something. The room had rows all the way up towards the ceiling and the thing on trial was at the bottom of the room on a small stage. I asked to go inside the vision and then I was sitting at one of the seats. There was like a desk cubby underneath the placemat in front of me and in it was a Bible, a pen, and a legal pad. Of all the singers, some were sitting on their chairs and some were passed out/curled up on the floor behind their chairs, and I knew they were encountering the Lord.

Different people were singing phrases from their encounters, and the things they were saying were the evidence trying what was on trial, which I felt like the Lord said was sin, disease, and death, but I also felt like what was on trial was “accusations” and looking at what was being tried, it was a dark creepy looking blob thing that was projecting outward. At first I thought it was accusations against the singers in the room and against each of their own hearts, but later I understood that it was also representing accusations against the Lord, and that it had first been called sin, disease, and death because those are all things in the world that accuse us of not really having a heavenly identity and accuse the Lord of not being who He says He is.

As the singers were all having encounters with the Lord, they would come out of their experiences and sing the things they had seen or experienced. They were all singing about the beauty of Jesus, and light was being produced in the room and fighting back the blob of accusations. As they were singing phrases about who the Lord really is, some of them were standing up declaring the truth emphatically.

Seeing this made me realize that declaring the reality of who the Lord is in worship is the only way to combat any accusation against Him or against yourself, because we have been born again in the Spirit of God(John 3:5-6) and accusations from the enemy can only really stand against our old nature, but when lies are being told to us about our new man, we have to answer from the reality of who Jesus is because that is the righteousness that we have now put on(Romans 3:21-22). I also realized that the only way to be able to declare this reality against the enemy is to encounter the Lord and allow Him to speak into your life, declaring who He is. Then you can take the knowledge of God that you have come face to face with and speak it out against the enemy.

At some point, I turned around and there was a bin inset into the wall behind each singer. In the bin there was a blanket and a pair of headphones. I asked the Lord and I felt like He said the headphones were for hearing the sounds of heaven, and I was confused because I didn’t understand why anyone would ever want to take them off, but I felt like He was saying it was too much to always hear. And I felt like the blanket was for either sleeping or for covering up with during the encounters.

At some point, I went outside and there was a table with clipboards on it, like what someone would have for sign-ups. I felt like the sign-up table was there to indicate that this reality of prophetic worship was available for anyone who is willing to say yes, or “sign up”.

graveside wedding

when I was still your enemy
You came for me
You've loved me so completely
and now my heart is set on You

You've never let me go
You've never let me down
You chased me before time
and You turned my life around

when I was still your enemy
You came for me
You've loved me so completely
and now my heart is set on You

internship: happiness

Started my internship at ihop.
AMEN.

and I have some thoughts about the nature of happiness. I have always heard that there is a difference between joy and happiness. That happiness is dependent on your circumstances and therefore fleeting and capricious. Well, being in the prayer room so far, the one over-riding emotion or expression in my heart has been happiness, pure, absurdly excited happiness. Now I'm not claiming to have a deep biblical understanding of either words, joy or happiness (although i need one) but i'm just saying that if what we have been told about happiness is true, there is no reason for us as the people of God to ever cease being happy.
Truly, have we heard the promises of God? Do we know what it means to be grafted into His family? There is an deep and abiding reality in the kingdom of God that nothing could ever give us a reason to stop being happy that is stronger than the reasons that we have to be happy.

the LORD takes pleasure in us. Really, really, really. He likes us, He loves us, He is pleased with us. So we make God happy, we have forever won Him simply by the "yes" in our hearts, and NOTHING in heaven or earth can separate us from His love.

What can man do to me?

facts. truth. reality.

there is one who is a lover of my soul.
only one who wont ever let me go.

he bled for me.
wept for me.
gave his life.
he bought my destiny.

there is one who chose to want me as i am.
one who's not limited by the blindness of man.

he sees me.
knows me.
speaks over my heart.
he calls me into reality.

love song for the church

I'm coming face to face with the very Bride of Christ
and though I'm one of them, I am saddened at the sight
When I think of all the pain, my anger starts to rise
They don't know how they've hurt me but the story's in my eyes

They stabbed me in the heart so now I'm fighting back
and Christ is in the middle, and He's bearing our attack
He's so patient and He's gentle while every blow falls on His back
He never leaves His children; He keeps bearing our attack


He says come lay down your swords.
Children, this is not your war

I hear Him but I'm frightened by this offer of peace
If I give up my weapon they could come devour me
In my fear I'm crying out "Jesus can't you see?
I can't give up the battle cause My hurt goes down to deep."

Now I'm waiting for the anger to start rising on His face
But the longer that I see Him, His smile is still unchanged
I've heard so many stories of His mercy and His grace
But how could I imagine that His love always remains
yet his love will never change.

He gave me His attention while I listed all my fears
now I'm the one who's listening while His voice is in my ear
He says, Daughter, cease your worry. Come dry up all your tears.
I will never leave you. I am always here.

I will never leave you. I am always here.

until the day breaks.

if i don't have time to listen
will You still feed me with Your wisdom
i'm dying for your truth
and i'm starving without you

every day in an assault
they're all screaming out my name
i try to get away
but all my obligations stay

if i call You, will You come
what if all i have is love
because this world demands so much
and leaves me aching for your touch

when i don't have time to listen
will you still feed me with your wisdom
i'm dying for your truth
and i'm starving without You